Bowing and Scraping to the High and Mighty GDP

Hierarchy of Importance

The long boring speeches are the least of the formalities. There’s the organisation, invitation, special seats reserved for the VIPs (or VVIPs – titles have a hierarchy too), special dining room, reserved restrooms, you name it. I would like to be charitable and say that the non-VIP attendees should at the very least be IPs (Important Persons), otherwise why were they invited at all? But in reality, they’re more like NIPs, or Not Important Persons. Their lot is to grin and bear it until the time when they themselves become VIPs.

Knowing Your Place

In a society where being independent and different aren’t appreciated, it’s a warm, comfortable feeling knowing that you belong, even if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole. Know Your Place is a very important rule in our social etiquettes. If formalities and protocols are exportable, we’d be richer than Singapore. Unfortunately, the wealthy export markets of the west (perhaps with the exception of the UK) aren’t exactly clamouring for them.

The government has a whole slew of departments handling protocols, to ensure that some VVIPs, perhaps MIPs (Mega Important Persons) or even UIPs (Ultra Important Persons) don’t feel slighted or offended. The whole charade is about keeping the lower levels firmly in their place. We’re literally world champions when it comes to power-distance – basically the amount of crap the “lower” person is willing to take from a “higher” one without starting a revolution.

The High and the Almighty

The easiest way to be “higher” is certainly by just being born into it. I wasn’t, so I rue my poor choice of parents. To those who believe in reincarnation, choose better parents; or else come back as a housecat if you really want special treatment in life. Those with money tend to see the protocols as proof that they’re indeed special, a symptom of toxic meritocracy where they think they’ve earned the kowtowing and sucking up. The “New Rich” people tend to be more noxious than the “Old Rich”, though often it’s just a matter of degree.

I also can’t stand another type of “higher people”, those “Learned” ones who think they’re closer to God than the rest of us. Here too, the “New Learned” tend to be more noxious than the “Old Learned”, though again often it’s just a matter of degrees.

The MLK Factor

If this energy is directed elsewhere, such as producing economic output or taking care of the less fortunate or preserving the environment, we’d have a more prosperous and fairer society. Then everybody would feel they’re as worthy and as important as anybody else, distinguished only by the content of their character, as Martin Luther King put it. But had MLK been a Malaysian saying that, he’d never be invited to those formal events where speeches are long and boring, whether he could understand them or not.

Wasted Energy

The energy that could’ve gone into growing the gross domestic product (GDP) has instead been growing another GDP – that of the gross (and very gross indeed) domestic protocols. The reason formalities and protocols bother me is they emphasise form over function, and focus on the differences between us – that I’m rich and powerful and you’re not. They create division rather than unity, and foment exclusiveness rather than inclusiveness.

Conclusion

Enough of this. Next time you’re faced with another long, boring speech, just leave early, or come late, or don’t bother coming at all (unless somebody is marking attendance). You won’t miss much, and instead you’d be adding to the right GDP, the one that benefits us all.

FAQs

Q: Why do Malaysians waste so much energy on formalities and protocols?
A: Because it’s a way to show respect to those in power and to maintain social hierarchy.

Q: Is it necessary to have so many titles and positions in Malaysia?
A: No, it’s just a way to create unnecessary divisions and emphasize the differences between people.

Q: Can’t we just focus on growing the economy and taking care of the environment instead?
A: Yes, we should prioritize what’s truly important and stop wasting energy on unnecessary protocols.